The Husband's Leadership - Growing To Become the Husband God Wants You To Be (Part 4)

Note: This is the continuation of my previous blog post, "How to Love Your Wife the Biblical Way - Growing To Become the Husband God Wants You To Be (Part 3)" aimed to share some basic biblical knowledge to my fellow young husbands and/or husbands to be.

In this post, I will talk about the kind of leadership that God wants a husband to have over his wife and family.

The world uses many different types of leadership styles. They are used not only at work but also within the context of a family. Some of them are the following: autocratic, democratic, pace-setting, affiliative, and coaching.

God's mandate of leadership for a husband is a unique one. It could also be applied not only with your family but also in a workplace setting.

A Privilege and A Responsibility

First of all, the leadership given by God to a husband is a privilege and a responsibility. As husbands, we should realize this or else we will be like a tyrant lording it over his vassals.

We pattern this headship to no one else but Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Christ's way of leading is quite different from secular management and governance that we have always observed and natural leadership that is based on our fallen human nature.

Christ's Style of Leadership

Jesus led His followers like a shepherd would lead his flock of sheep. 

The Bible often referred to God as the Shepherd of His chosen people (Psalm 80:1, Isaiah 40:11). Jesus also said it Himself in John 10:11, "I am the Good Shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep."

A husband's leadership should be like that of a shepherd. You care for your wife and children as you lead them. You are ready to lay down your life for them.

A shepherd always knows the direction where he wanted his sheep to go and had great patience in them. Jesus always knew where He wants us to go and has unimaginable patience and mercy as well.

As husbands, we are called to do the same: have a vision to lead our families to go the right path and have immeasurable patience while doing so.


Shepherding is not a ruthless, ill-mannered, manipulative kind of leadership. It is not scheming, selfish, or rude.

A godly husband does not "lord it over" his wife and does not just care about his own agenda only.

His decisions and actions are all for the benefit of everyone in the family, and not only for himself.

A godly husband is quick to recognize and admit his own sins, shortcomings, and mistakes and always has the desire to improve on them.

As husbands, God wants us to put on patience, self-control, and humility rather than any "lording it over" tendencies.


In other words, a godly husband is a servant-leader, much like who Jesus was.

To some people being a leader and a servant at the same time is an irreconcilable paradox. How can you lead when you also serve?

But Christ gave us the perfect example on how to do that. Jesus was the perfect leader and at the same time the perfect servant.

Christ always thought of others before Himself. He is always willing to sacrifice His own comfort, even his own well-being, for those whom He leads. He puts people above possessions and demonstrates love and mercy before anything else.

Husbands, how do you serve your wife?

While our wives are called by God to assist us, as husbands we must serve her as well just as Christ served His followers.

A servant is concerned above all of his own responsibilities and accountabilities than that of others.

Ensure that you are serving your wife as Christ exemplified, and then patiently help your wife realize and understand that God has called her to serve and assist you as well.

The best way to do it is by leading her closer to God, leading her to have a personal relationship with Him, and God will do the rest.